Ascend Archive
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Re: (ASCEND) Fast Fax Facts

        Dave Rand said:

>I've just been called by the Ascend marketing folks.  They wanted to know my
>facsimile number...  

>...I have nothing against Ascend.  I have everything against unsolicited
>facsimile and email advertising.  It is wrong, and in the case of Facsimile, 
>it is also illegal.

        Gosh Dave, Ascend HAS my Facsimile number, and I expect (and demand)
        that they keep me up to date on their latest and greatest
        visions of revisions of versions of variations.  (I am simply 
        too busy to go on daily scavenger hunts through their website.)

        Too bad you did not let them send you it, cause they
        faxed me next, and >>I<< won:

                -  The free trip to Maui under Ascend's "Connectivity
                   Here Today, Gone To Maui" promotion in cooperation
                   with Lucent, Rockwell, and other unindicted 
                   co-conspirators who created the current release of
                   "K56-Fluxed" code.

                -  A $56,000.00 1963 Jaguar XKE (just like K56-Flex,
                   it's great, as long as you don't expect it to run
                   every day!)

                -  A trip to Guam, and my weight in old Livingston 
                   (unmanaged and unmanageable) Portmasters!!  No, not 
                   the PM3s, the old ones, just to remind us what was 
                   considered "OK" not so long ago.  (This was under
                   Ascend's "Guam, But Not Forgotten" competitive
                   buy-back promotion.)

                -  A full-time, live-in, multi-lingual translator fresh
                   from 5 years at the UN to explain to me what is REALLY
                   meant by the author of Section 7 of the Pipeline 130
                   User's Guide, and perhaps to even translate some ITU
                   standards from their original sanskrit.  (Her name is
                   Juliet, and just basking in her presence is worth the
                   price of a dozen GRFs.)

                -  Unlimited co-op ad dollars to apologize and retract
                   the claims made in our prior ads promoting K56-Flex
                   service, and permission to give Ascend's 800-number
                   to any user who remains unhappy after the next release.

                -  The best part of the prize was that they said it was
                   OK if we hung onto our old pre-K56 cards until we had
                   a slightly smaller crowd of angry customers clogging
                   our tech support 800-number complaining that they
                   suddenly can't connect at speeds higher than 14.4Kbps, 
                   and can't even fetch their mail before they get 
                   dropped by our highly-touted "upgraded" Maxen.

        See?  It pays to let your vendors "waste" some of your precious
        fax paper ($8 a roll at Staples, for Pete's sake!)



"Next week, we are playing the Mozart..."  "Are you sure we can Handel it?"

james fischer                                jfischer@supercollider.com

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